


Introducing Crawley Jr

by Enj_y



Series: Silly One Shots with Ineffable Husbands, Crawly Jr. and Crowley's Houseplants [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley gets a snake, Fluff, I don’t know I’m sorry, I’m sorry, M/M, This is trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 23:54:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20957027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enj_y/pseuds/Enj_y
Summary: Crowley gets a snake. Aziraphale is not informed of the snake. This is a mess, I’m very sorry





	Introducing Crawley Jr

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to the 400 people on Pinterest who have been waiting for three months for this fic. To all of you, I am sorry. Just, really sorry.

Just after dropping Aziraphale off at his bookshop, Crowley ended up wandering around central London when he came across a pet store that sold snakes. Out of curiosity he walked in, and headed to the back of the store where they kept the snakes. One caught his eye, it looked exactly like him when he was in snake form! It hissed at him.

“Oh, another emo wannabe. Hey, dingbat! I don't care if you think I'm a cute little snake, ok? I can bite your fingers off."

“Okay, I want this one.”

“Don’t fuck with me.” The snake glared at Crowley, who was grinning like an idiot. He walked up to the front of the store to inquire about buying that snake. 

“How much for the evil one? The black one with the red belly and yellow eyes. I need it.” 

The person looked surprised. “Uhm… Are you sure? It’s… Pretty horrible. It always tries to hiss at customers…”

“Yes, I need it. It’s perfect. It threatened to bite off my fingers.” Crowley pulled out his wallet and glanced back at the small snake who he immediately named in his mind ‘Crawly Jr.’. 

“NO! HE DOESN’T! HE DOESN’T WANT ME! HE IS JOKING!”

“No I’m not. I’m serious. Let’s pick you out all the stuff you need. How much?”

“Fifteen pounds for the snake… I’ll ring you up at the end…” They looked shocked. The sounds that had come out of the man’s mouth sounded rather.. Hissy. Similar to how the snake hissed, and could he understand the snake? He seemed to respond as though he could, but of course that was ridiculous. No one can understand snakes. 

Crowley immediately walked to the back of the store and gently took the snake out of the cage. 

“Is Crawly Jr. a good name for you?” The snake looked incredulous, if a snake can look that way.

“You can… understand me?” He looked shocked, and wound himself around Crowley’s wrist, drawing a grin out again. 

“That I can. So is that name good with you?”

“Yes. Can you get the biggest cage there is? Also I want toys.”

“Do snakes like toys?”

“This one does. I want the tiny mice that cats like. They’re fun to rip apart into shreds.” Crowley laughed and Crawly Jr. drew himself up as though daring Crowley to keep laughing. 

After about half an hour of Crawly Jr specifying every single thing he wanted in his habitat, Crowley walked out with roughly three hundred pounds of random junk. That’s the British pound mind you, not the American pound.

They went back to Aziraphale and Crowley’s house, with Crawly Jr wrapped around Crowley’s wrist the whole way. 

“All the other snakes were always annoying. They always acted like I was a mistake and stuff…”

“Yeah, the other demons were assholes too.”

“So are you an actual demon? Or are you just crazy?”

“I am in fact a demon. My name is Crowley, by the way.” He pulled off his sunglasses to show his eyes to the tiny snake. “And my husband is named Aziraphale. He’s an Angel. My angel to be more specific.”

“That’s… adorable.”

“I’m not cute and I’m not nice.”

“You giggle,” Crawly Jr pointed out, rolling his eyes. The two walked into the house and Crowley climbed the steps upstairs quickly, bringing all the random various items Crawly Jr had requested to the extra room and letting Crawly Jr go on the floor. 

“I’m going to go take care of my plants. Feel free to explore.”

“You have plants? That’s also adorable, ha!”

“LALALALALALALA I can’t hear you!” Crowley went down the stairs and got out his plant mister, doing his usual routine. Crawly Jr went down the steps and heard him threatening the plants. 

“Okay, I take it back, you are less cute now. Do you actually kill the plants?”

“Yes.” Despite what Crowley said, he was in fact lying. 

“Somehow I don’t believe you, but sure. I’m going to go see if I can find another snake to talk to outside, bye.” 

A few hours later, when Aziraphale came home, Crowley walked up with a grin to greet him. 

“Oh! Hello darling. How was your day, dear?” Aziraphale had his typical sweet smile on, and kissed Crowley once on the cheek. Crowley may or may not have squealed a tiny bit. He is still completely shocked that someone like Aziraphale would ever want to be with him. 

“Hey Aziraphale..” Crowley’s face was rather red and Aziraphale went into the kitchen to make himself a cup of hot cocoa. Crowley awkwardly followed behind him, wondering if he should tell Aziraphale about Crawly Jr, who was currently roaming around outside. 

"So, how was your day dearest?"

"Oh you know," Crowley waved a hand as casually as one who had just adopted a snake that threatened to kill him within the first five minutes of their meeting. 

“Another average day then dearest?”

“Yup.” Aziraphale smiled and kissed his cheek again, bustling into the kitchen to fix himself a cup of hot cocoa. 

“Dear, where would you like to go for dinner?”

“Well this new Mediterranean place opened up nearby. How does that sound?”

“Wonderful, darling! I hope they won’t be too shocked if I order about six pieces of baklava,” Aziraphale bit his lip, which was ridiculously attractive. 

“Angel, literally everyone loves you so I highly doubt they’ll care. And if it makes you feel better, I’ll order two or three and let you eat them.” Crowley had a soft smile on his face, one that he would never admit to ever having in front of any of his fellow demons. They would scoff and say he’d gone soft, which, he hadn’t. He had always been this soft. 

They went out to the Bentley, and Crowley drove slowly, a mere thirty kilometres per hour. 

“This is better dear, but not by much,” Aziraphale’s voice was steadier than normal but still rather shaky. One doesn’t simply drive thirty kilometres an hour in central London! 

“Would you rather me go my normal speeds?” Crowley’s sunglasses slipped down his nose and he shot a wink at Aziraphale, who looked genuinely terrified. 

“No, dear, please don’t.” Despite Aziraphale’s protest, the speed continued to climb and he resigned himself to letting Crowley drive as fast as he wanted. You really would have thought that after roughly a hundred years he would have been used to it all, but no. 

Back at home, Crawly Jr. had gone back inside. He curiously slithered throughout the house, stopping in Crowley and Aziraphale’s bedroom. It was simple, just a bed and a dresser, and Crawly Jr. managed to open the various drawers out of curiosity. 

“Dear Sssatan, how much clothing does this guy have?” Crowley’s clothes occupied seven of the eight drawers, with Aziraphale’s pajamas occupying the last one. From there, Crawly Jr. went back to his cage, and played with his stuffed mice, tearing two of them to literal shreds and allowing the other twenty two to live. For now. 

They curled up under their heat lamp for a nap, after pushing all the shreds of the mice to a corner. The shreds were always so annoying to deal with after all, and they needed the space for… Sleeping. And tearing up the other mice. 

Back at the restaurant, Aziraphale had polished off both his and Crowley’s plates, along with nine pieces of baklava. “That was delicious,” he smiled kindly at the server who bustled off to get the check. 

Crowley had his typical small smile playing across his lips as he looked at the angel. The two beings linked arms and walked out to Crowley’s Bentley. Crowley pressed play and “Somebody to Love” started up, as he drove to the small house the two bought. 

“So what did you do today, dear boy?” 

“Oh you know,” Crowley brushed off the question. “Tended the plants, that sort.” He wasn’t sure why he was hiding Crawly Jr from his Angel. It was a bit embarrassing though, wasn’t it? 

“You do know that talking to plants nicely is supposed to help, not screaming at them?”

“My plants grow wonderfully, thank you very much.” Aziraphale laughed lightly, and while very few humans truly have a laugh ‘like tinkling bells’, the angel certainly did. 

“I suppose they do.” 

For the next few days, they went about their lives quite normally. It was a bit odd though. After six thousand years of ducking behind corners, and carefully avoiding being seen, they could suddenly live… out in the open. However, both were still terrified that they would somehow be captured. The very nature of fear — “What if it happens again?” 

One day though, when Crowley was out doing various Crowley related things, Aziraphale wandered about the house, attempting to decide on a room to put his home library. That was when he saw Crawly Jr lying, asleep, on the floor. Aziraphale at this point, did not know Crawly Jr even existed, and instead perceived Crawly Jr as Crowley.

“Cro… Crowley? Are you alright my dear?” Aziraphale’s voice shook ever so slightly. “Crowley? Love? Are you alright? Please respond..” He knelt down, trying to get the tiny snake to respond. “Crowley! Darling boy, please my love.” The snake was still asleep. Aziraphale burst into tears, utterly convinced that Crowley was ignoring him. “My love, my darling, my dear, what did I do? I’m ever so sorry, love. Whatever I did, I’m ever so sorry. My love…” Crawly Jr continued to sleep. “I’m so sorry!” 

It was at that moment the actual Crowley came inside the house. He heard Aziraphale crying, and went into a awful panic, racing up the stairs. 

“Aziraphale! Aziraphale! Are you alright?! Aziraphale, Angel, are you alright?!” Aziraphale looked a mess, eyes going to Crowley, both looking awfully confused.

“Crow… Crowley? But.. You.. The snake? What?!” 

“Oh… Uh… I bought a snake. It’s name is Crawly Jr. I see you’ve become acquainted.” Aziraphale sniffled, pulling his handkerchief out of his coat and falling on to Crowley. 

“Oh god, I thought you were so angry at me! I’m so sorry, dear, oh god!” 

“Angel! It’s alright angel. Hey. It’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not mad.” 

Aziraphale dried his tears quickly, looking dreadfully embarrassed. “Would you like to lay down?” Crowley wrapped an arm around Aziraphale’s waist, planting a soft kiss on his head. The two of them lay down in the bed, and Aziraphale put his head on Crowley’s chest. 

“Next time, dear boy, please tell me if you get a snake?” Crowley laughed deeply, and Aziraphale’s face burned slightly.

“Of course, Angel. Of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for making it through this mess. Thanks to my editor @mrmcweasel, and @mostweakhamlets, who cured my Writer’s block.


End file.
